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Monday, November 23, 2015
Sunday, November 15, 2015
Anticipating vs Expecting
what's the difference between anticipating and expecting??? dumdumdum
“Okay... uhm... I will pretend that it’s just you and me here... let’s both pretend that there’s nobody around. Just you and me - talking eye to eye...” Shellie finally gave in to Ronnie's bickering.
Ronnie looked around for a moment. Looked at his best friend’s eyes... talked with their souls. He looked at Edison, another friend and the three faces of strangers that they only met that day. Then, he looked at Shellie's eyes, another stranger that he wants to know deeper.
“Okay. Consider them gone.” Ronnie said after a while. Looking straight into Shellie's eyes, he blurted the awfully raw question that could possibly rip Shellie's heart. “Do you like my best friend?” so raw and intense, filled with honesty and straightforwardness.
Shellie nearly choked. She turned from pale white to red. She blushes easily. That has always been one of her problems. Even if a stranger would ask her the time, she would blush while saying the time. She gets nervous easily.
After taking a deep breath, she looked Ronnie in the eye and said, “Yes. Very much.”
Ronnie prevented himself from looking at his best friend’s eyes or at anyone for that matter. It was just he and Shellie. There’s nobody else around. The people surrounding them prevented from gasping or reacting as well. It was a breakthrough for Shellie. They all looked at the best friend though and they saw him looking at his shoe and kicking invisible dust.
Ronnie was on fire. He uttered the next question.
The ever-short question that can come with so many answers. “Why?”
shellie is sweating now. She doesn’t know how long she can ignore the fact that they may be staring at her. She’s torn between wanting to see Jared's reaction and being swallowed by sweet earth that moment. This wasn’t how she wanted it to be. She wanted it to be Jared's eyes that she’s looking in to when she answers the question. But she can’t.
“I dunno...” such stupid answer but it was all that Shellie could think of at that time, if she was thinking at all. It seemed that Shellie was letting her heart speak without the help of her mind.
“That’s not an answer...” Shellie could hear Edison whisper. She tried not to look at Edison and smack him in the face. This was all Edison's idea. It was Edison who arranged this meeting. He secretly copied Jared's number from Shellie's phonebook and communicated with Jared.. Shellie nearly died earlier when she saw Jared.
“I’m sorry, Shellie but I cannot accept that answer.” Ronnie frowned.
“Back in college, I had this favorite professor in Philippine Literature...” Shellie said, as if talking to herself.
“Don’t divert the conversation, Shellie.” Ronnie's eyebrows were now rising.
“I’m trying to explain why I don’t know why I like your best friend, Ronnie...” Shellie cleared her throat nervously.
“My favorite professor... he was unconventional. He would go in the classroom and would simply say, “Write something” and then he would leave the room and return when it’s 5 minutes from dismissal time already. There was a time when he came in and just gave us a piece of chalk and told us to write anything on the blackboard. Anyway, one day, he came in and asked the class, “Who here has a girlfriend?” There were only like 6 guys in the classroom and only 2 raised their hands. He asked the first one, “Why do you love your girlfriend?” The guy smirked – he was only an irregular student, we were a block section, I don’t even remember his name already... - and said, “Who said that I love her?” Of course, everybody laughed. Such honesty, huh?" Shellie paused and smirked.
She then continued with, "The professor then turned to the other one - he was our friend and his girlfriend is our classmate and friend, too – and asked him “Why do you love your girlfriend?” He replied, shyly and almost a mumble, “I don’t know...” Our professor smiled. He said, “Good answer.” He then took a look around the room, with the slightest smile in his face, and said, “That is love.” He then sat on his table and said “When you start knowing or having a firm definition of why you love someone, then that is not love anymore. You can say, “I love her because she’s kind...” what if there are days when she’s not kind, does that mean that you don’t love her anymore? Love has no boundaries...” Then he asked everybody to write anything and read it aloud. I remember writing “Burning fire. Cold evening. Sweet Misery.” anyway... that was it... That’s love. And I would like to think that is the reason why I couldn’t really answer why I really like your friend. All I know is that I like him more and more everyday...”
There was silence after Shellie's last word.
They could hear the car screeching, the coughing of the lady on the other table, a kid crying... and they could hear their souls and Shellie's heart pounding.
After a while, Ronnie took off his eyeglasses and wiped the lenses with his handkerchief. He wore it again and looked at Shellie's eyes once more. Her eyes now seemed more relax... to the point of serenity. He sort of envied the peace he is seeing in her now... the peace that can only be achieved when you’ve let go of something so intense.
“You said that you like her more and more everyday. You’ve known each other for quite some time now. Do you love my best friend already?” He had to keep on with the pretense of honesty since this is what he came here for.
Shellie smirked. The nervous in her eyes went back.
“I am taking my time..” another stupid answer.
“I’m not asking you if you want to love Jared. I’m asking you if you love Jared already...” was Ronnie's follow-up.
“Uhm... how do I say this? I am keeping my heart in arm’s length... this is a very difficult situation I am in. I love Jared... what is not there to love about him?! but i don’t want to rush things... because it may be too painful... reality says that I shouldn’t... in my dreams, I should... this is difficult. To love without any guarantees... yes, I am not loving unconditionally here... I am only human...
“I’m sorry... I can’t take this anymore. Please leave with the pretense that it’s just Ronnie and me here.” Shellie said with her head down.
“Okay. No problem, Shellie. Thank you.” Ronnie said and the three of them got up to leave.
Shellie grabbed a cigarette and lighted it with her hand trembling furiously. Edison took the lighter from her and lighted the cigarette for her as well. He then took Shellie's hand and just held it.
Shellie just stared at the two strangers and the one carrying her heart walk away. Then, she’s not sure if it really happened. It may be her stupid heart seeing things again. Jared looked back, met her in the eye and smiled. :)
“Okay... uhm... I will pretend that it’s just you and me here... let’s both pretend that there’s nobody around. Just you and me - talking eye to eye...” Shellie finally gave in to Ronnie's bickering.
Ronnie looked around for a moment. Looked at his best friend’s eyes... talked with their souls. He looked at Edison, another friend and the three faces of strangers that they only met that day. Then, he looked at Shellie's eyes, another stranger that he wants to know deeper.
“Okay. Consider them gone.” Ronnie said after a while. Looking straight into Shellie's eyes, he blurted the awfully raw question that could possibly rip Shellie's heart. “Do you like my best friend?” so raw and intense, filled with honesty and straightforwardness.
Shellie nearly choked. She turned from pale white to red. She blushes easily. That has always been one of her problems. Even if a stranger would ask her the time, she would blush while saying the time. She gets nervous easily.
After taking a deep breath, she looked Ronnie in the eye and said, “Yes. Very much.”
Ronnie prevented himself from looking at his best friend’s eyes or at anyone for that matter. It was just he and Shellie. There’s nobody else around. The people surrounding them prevented from gasping or reacting as well. It was a breakthrough for Shellie. They all looked at the best friend though and they saw him looking at his shoe and kicking invisible dust.
Ronnie was on fire. He uttered the next question.
The ever-short question that can come with so many answers. “Why?”
shellie is sweating now. She doesn’t know how long she can ignore the fact that they may be staring at her. She’s torn between wanting to see Jared's reaction and being swallowed by sweet earth that moment. This wasn’t how she wanted it to be. She wanted it to be Jared's eyes that she’s looking in to when she answers the question. But she can’t.
“I dunno...” such stupid answer but it was all that Shellie could think of at that time, if she was thinking at all. It seemed that Shellie was letting her heart speak without the help of her mind.
“That’s not an answer...” Shellie could hear Edison whisper. She tried not to look at Edison and smack him in the face. This was all Edison's idea. It was Edison who arranged this meeting. He secretly copied Jared's number from Shellie's phonebook and communicated with Jared.. Shellie nearly died earlier when she saw Jared.
“I’m sorry, Shellie but I cannot accept that answer.” Ronnie frowned.
“Back in college, I had this favorite professor in Philippine Literature...” Shellie said, as if talking to herself.
“Don’t divert the conversation, Shellie.” Ronnie's eyebrows were now rising.
“I’m trying to explain why I don’t know why I like your best friend, Ronnie...” Shellie cleared her throat nervously.
“My favorite professor... he was unconventional. He would go in the classroom and would simply say, “Write something” and then he would leave the room and return when it’s 5 minutes from dismissal time already. There was a time when he came in and just gave us a piece of chalk and told us to write anything on the blackboard. Anyway, one day, he came in and asked the class, “Who here has a girlfriend?” There were only like 6 guys in the classroom and only 2 raised their hands. He asked the first one, “Why do you love your girlfriend?” The guy smirked – he was only an irregular student, we were a block section, I don’t even remember his name already... - and said, “Who said that I love her?” Of course, everybody laughed. Such honesty, huh?" Shellie paused and smirked.
She then continued with, "The professor then turned to the other one - he was our friend and his girlfriend is our classmate and friend, too – and asked him “Why do you love your girlfriend?” He replied, shyly and almost a mumble, “I don’t know...” Our professor smiled. He said, “Good answer.” He then took a look around the room, with the slightest smile in his face, and said, “That is love.” He then sat on his table and said “When you start knowing or having a firm definition of why you love someone, then that is not love anymore. You can say, “I love her because she’s kind...” what if there are days when she’s not kind, does that mean that you don’t love her anymore? Love has no boundaries...” Then he asked everybody to write anything and read it aloud. I remember writing “Burning fire. Cold evening. Sweet Misery.” anyway... that was it... That’s love. And I would like to think that is the reason why I couldn’t really answer why I really like your friend. All I know is that I like him more and more everyday...”
There was silence after Shellie's last word.
They could hear the car screeching, the coughing of the lady on the other table, a kid crying... and they could hear their souls and Shellie's heart pounding.
After a while, Ronnie took off his eyeglasses and wiped the lenses with his handkerchief. He wore it again and looked at Shellie's eyes once more. Her eyes now seemed more relax... to the point of serenity. He sort of envied the peace he is seeing in her now... the peace that can only be achieved when you’ve let go of something so intense.
“You said that you like her more and more everyday. You’ve known each other for quite some time now. Do you love my best friend already?” He had to keep on with the pretense of honesty since this is what he came here for.
Shellie smirked. The nervous in her eyes went back.
“I am taking my time..” another stupid answer.
“I’m not asking you if you want to love Jared. I’m asking you if you love Jared already...” was Ronnie's follow-up.
“Uhm... how do I say this? I am keeping my heart in arm’s length... this is a very difficult situation I am in. I love Jared... what is not there to love about him?! but i don’t want to rush things... because it may be too painful... reality says that I shouldn’t... in my dreams, I should... this is difficult. To love without any guarantees... yes, I am not loving unconditionally here... I am only human...
“I’m sorry... I can’t take this anymore. Please leave with the pretense that it’s just Ronnie and me here.” Shellie said with her head down.
“Okay. No problem, Shellie. Thank you.” Ronnie said and the three of them got up to leave.
Shellie grabbed a cigarette and lighted it with her hand trembling furiously. Edison took the lighter from her and lighted the cigarette for her as well. He then took Shellie's hand and just held it.
Shellie just stared at the two strangers and the one carrying her heart walk away. Then, she’s not sure if it really happened. It may be her stupid heart seeing things again. Jared looked back, met her in the eye and smiled. :)
Friday, November 13, 2015
don't let me fall...
Underneath the moon, underneath the stars
Here's a little heart for you
Up above the world, up above it all
Here's a hand to hold on to
But if I should break, if I should fall away
What am I to do?
I need someone to take a little of the weight
Or I'll fall through
You're just the one that I've been waiting for
I'll give you all that I have to give and more
But don't let me fall
Take a little time, walk a little line
Get the balance right
Give a little love, gimme just enough
So that I can hang on tight
We will be alright, I'll be by your side
I won't let you down
But I gotta know no matter how things go
That you will be alright
You're just the one that I've been waiting for
I'll give you all that I have to give and more
But don't let me fall, don't let me fall
Underneath the moon, underneath the stars
Here's a little heart for you
Up above the world, up above it all
Here's a hand to hold on to
You're just the one that I've been waiting for
I'll give you all that I have to give and more
But don't let me fall
You'll be the one that I'll love forever more
I'll be here holding you high above it all
Here's a little heart for you
Up above the world, up above it all
Here's a hand to hold on to
But if I should break, if I should fall away
What am I to do?
I need someone to take a little of the weight
Or I'll fall through
You're just the one that I've been waiting for
I'll give you all that I have to give and more
But don't let me fall
Take a little time, walk a little line
Get the balance right
Give a little love, gimme just enough
So that I can hang on tight
We will be alright, I'll be by your side
I won't let you down
But I gotta know no matter how things go
That you will be alright
You're just the one that I've been waiting for
I'll give you all that I have to give and more
But don't let me fall, don't let me fall
Underneath the moon, underneath the stars
Here's a little heart for you
Up above the world, up above it all
Here's a hand to hold on to
You're just the one that I've been waiting for
I'll give you all that I have to give and more
But don't let me fall
You'll be the one that I'll love forever more
I'll be here holding you high above it all
tpos ako pa ngayon pafall?! ikaw jan pafall tpos floor lang pala magcatch sakin! hahaaaay... whatev! atleast may oras ka pa makapag isip isip gang wala pa ko pinas ehehehe if ever u will flake out on me... paki inform ako asap pra kaya ko magdettach from you :)
you still have 32 days hehehe mag isip isip ka na maigi oks?!? :)
Sunday, November 8, 2015
brighter than the rays of the sun
my day was gloomy and a bit heavy this morning... 
until i got these flowers! ayiee
hahaha pacute ako ammpf?! kebs!
anyway i felt loved today ayieee...
nahappy ako hehe... thanks kid for always making my day brighter than the rays of the sun ayieee... i am not asking God for too much.. but i think He became too much generous for giving me you! umaalden noh? God gave me you?! hahaha anyway twas really nice of you to even think abt giving sumthn and for appreciating my kindness kahit ndi ko naman nafeel na naging kind ako sayo hahaha... i am happy today ❤️ and it's all because of you! huwaaaw!
aldubpamore hahaha ayiee mwaaah!! o cia late na.. gonna grab some sleep!! salamat ulet mwaaahugggss 100x
gloomy day
i kinda feel bad today :(
i dnt knw what is happening to me..
i am hating this feeling..
:(
i have no issue with anyone but i feel sumthn is heavy in my heart...
i hate feeling this :(
please Dear God let it go away :(
guess its better to do what this lady did before.. should i decide to just let go? and just enjoy the ride?! please pretty please give me answers to my questions.. :( sheeesh
Thursday, November 5, 2015
disappointed...
nothin more to say but this...
nakakadismaya.. grrr...
kebs! deads!
balik ako sa level whatever...
😡
when did u start liking me?!
u answered after the kiss?!?
duhhh!
anu yun?!
hahaha
oh well..
i get it now hahaha
shyet malandi
at nagpalandi ka naman agad agad kasi
hmp ka tlga maling!!
paasa ka pa? eh ikaw nga umasa na like ka nya pero it started pala with the kiss..
lumevel up ka pa without waiting for december.. you said ur taking it slow pero mukang ikaw napadali sa level up hahahaha you are pathetic maling!!!
eeewww ka!!
anyway will go back to reality...
dnt overwhelm yerself with delusions..
hihi
yeah yeah im comin back to my senses!
will try to go back real quick!
anyway go get some sleep! :)
umasa ka noh? hahaha
sheeeesh i dnt get it actually..
why??? why dear God haha
kebs!
nytnyt my dear blog! hmp
note to self:
so try not to... okie?!
okie????!! hehehe okay!
i knw yer a smart girl...
you will get it sooner than later..
hihi
Wednesday, November 4, 2015
you love me?! i love me too... ❤️❤️❤️
you love me? yeee...
i love me too hahaha charot!!
aysusss ginoo...
ndi ko na tlga alam what to say...
i told you maling to take yer time...
take it slow...
don't hurry...
madami pa naman panahon eh....
sana naman dnt make me hurry...
alam ko naman na you know what
i am feeling already eh... will u wait?!
sigurista ka dba?!
so mas normal na mas maging segurista ako... natural mente... babae ako...
mas madaming nawawala sa amin...
and do you ever wonder why tatlo lang
sila?!? because i dnt usually jump in kapag hindi ako sigurado...
anyway i always remind myself to pls pls take some time to assess everything...
to analyze what u really want from me...
and to assess myself if i can make this work...
andami ko naiisip eh...
honestly speaking... i am used to LDR...
if our relationship will be a happy and healthy one... distance will not matter to me... kaso iniisip ko.. if you can make it work inspite of the distance.. if matyaga ka... this will work.. if ur patient enough sa mga crazyness ko this will probably work!! :) ayaw ko magsalita ng tapos but i can be loyal and will never be infidel if this realtionship will be a happy one.. may respeto naman ako sa kapwa ko... ;( i made mistakes from my past.. i knw i am to blame for demanding too much and for not being contented and hence accepted attention from another person.. but i made it right in the end and i resisted it for the longest time..
anyway like u told me...
the important thing is yung future not the past sah?!
anyway i hope and pray na maging sure na sure na ako so u will not wait for too long.. naisip ko kasi i wanted this to work and ayaw ko padaskol daskol... sa totoo
nga prang bf and gf na nga tayo coz i am not like this to any other person na i am not commited with... kulang lang tlga ng label.. jeez... basta please dnt pressure me!! malapit na naman ang december eh... :) i will see you real soon... :) it will be worth it.. just wait!! oks?!! yeee... again i love me too hahaha
now lang ako ulet nagstastart to love myself eh... kapag overflowing na ang love ko sa sarili ko.. that is the time na kaya ko na maglove ng madaming madami sa ibang tao hehehe :) and if God will allow.. malay mo sayo ko ibuhos ang overflowing love from my heart ayieeee!!! :) hahaha
i will love myself first then i will love you too.. pra madaming love ha?!?
just have faith hahaha
mwaaah
lost in space..
errr...
anu na kaya nangyari sayo?! hmm...
u called me around 12pm here but was not able to answer it kasi i was asleep.. actually i am hearing sumone calling but i dnt knw if its you or someone else so i ignored it.. i chose to sleep kasi nga iv work later... but anyway im a little worried now.. coz its 10pm already.. err but maybe u fell asleep.. or maybe u lost ur phone.. or maybe u went sumwer and u drained your battery... just maybe.. errr
oh well... hope ur well and safe... dami kasi masasamang tao sa lansangan na eh :(
will pray na lang na sana yer okay..
grr.. anyway will just try to sleep...
sana yer safe and sana naman msg mko noh if yer safely home or whatever.. errr
Monday, November 2, 2015
dream dream dream...
i don't usually wake up early.. but here i am now.. getting up earlier than usual :( i always dream of something which triggers me to wake up... err... anyway my dream is not that grand.. nothin special actually just a bunch of numbers tho nakalimutan ko na agad.. in my dream was preparing for an exam and someone told me i have to memorize certain values and different formulas... errr but the sad part is i only remember 9 and 11... anything significant abt it?! errr i dnt knw... will nov 9 will be a special day or an unlucky day for me?! errr... anyway doodle some crap on my hands and legs... i knw its not good but what the heck.. errr.. anyway im not in the mood to write.. will probly go get some sleep.. heheh ^^ btw jayson is kinda uhmm nothin... dnt want to comment first... ;)
will continue writing after my power nap hihi
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