spoiled cold morning...

ui woke up early this morning...

i am not planning to wake up this early but i got up... i dnt knw why...

maybe coz im too cold... 

or maybe coz my head hurts double hell..

:(

checked my phone and got a message from someone that i really did not expect that will send a message.. just to be polite i replied but i am rude naturally so still it had to be a rude message but still it is polite heheheh ganto ko eh so walang pwede magchange nun!! if im bitchy.. then let me be bitchy.. :)

anyway my morning got spoiled after i opened my eyes... tsk... really my head hurts... but its okay... checked my fb... went to click jayson's name to check if he is already up or whatever.. he was online so i dropped a message.. and he gave lame comments again... na nichecheck ko daw if he is online or not... natural alanganaman magmsg ako ng ndi ko icheck kung online sha or hindi... i kinda got annoyed.. why does he thinks highly of himself... i said ocoyrse im checking if he is online or not... stalker nga eh db?! but duhhh like i care now!!! today i decided wala na ako paki!! bgla ko naiinis :( naiinis ako sa kayabangan nya!!! feeling na sha mashado... :( anyway not in the mood to talk with him today.. mag me day sha today and il do the same... ndi ko na muna sha kausapin ng mabawasan ang pagfifeeling sa buhay... hmpppz... anyway il go get some sleep na lang ulet... sakit tlga ulo ko eh :( tpos nadagdagan pa ng pagkabiset.. haaaay :(

hear these lines while looking from time to time sa picture ko hahaha try to imagine na ganyan face ko while im saying these lines!!! "so feeling mo gwapong gwapo ka na nyan?! and feeling mo im stalking you already?!! grrrr... wag ka mashado feeling!!!! hmp! anyway wala na ulet ako paki sayo.. will try not to care too much.. mukang namimisinterpret eh!! mukang yumayabang ka ng bongga eh... grrr!! babooosh!!! magsaya ka ng whole day without me disturbing you!!"

Hopeless Romantic!?!?!?!!?!

Huwaaaat!!?!?!?!?!?
I'm a hopeless romantic!?!?!?!

I don't think so...
duhhh!!!!??!!?

anyway.... i am not a hopeless romantic...
i am not! grrr

and i will never be!!!

bawal ba magbigay ng letter?!?!
napahiya na naman ako...
:(
tsk,....
birthday  naman nya nun ha!
never na nga ako magbibigay ng letter dun kahit kelan..

and i remember one time i sent him a goodmorning message...
and he told me ay sweet naman pala...
grrr...
kaya naisip ko di na ako maggoodmorning message bwahahhaha..

anyway khalas...
please bring back the bitchy old maling.. hihih

:)

is this love?!

hahaha... is this love? is this love? is this love? is this love? that i am feeling!?!
errr...
am i still in denial?!!?
grrr...
maybe i am!
hahaha..

shyettt!!!

if this will be official? ano kaya gusto mo date?! hahaha lantod!!!! magsleep na nga tlga ako pra ndi ako nasasabihan na haggard errr... gudnyt my chobomboy hahahha... hugggsss

i can't believe na you posted this on instagram!!! shyettt ipagkalat sa japan?! mga letter na ganyan private dapat yan.. so kelangan pala ilalagay ko sa envelope lagi ng for your eyes only? hahahahaha hs ammpf!

why can't i love you in slow motion?!!

"Slow Motion"

I Know That You've Been Calling Me,

And I'm happy that we met.

Don't think that I'm not interested.

I'm just playing hard to get

So much about this crazy game they call love

That I'm trying to understand,

So could you be my best friend,

Before you call yourself my man

Why can't I love you in slow motion,

Take my time,

Take away the pressure on my mind

Really get to know you

But rewind

Wanna love you in slow motion

Why can't I?

You seem to know just what you want

And I like your confidence

Some things a girl should never rush

Cause If you do you hurt yourself

So much about this crazy game they call love

I'm still trying to understand,

So could you be my best friend,

Before you call yourself my man

Why can't I love you in slow motion,

Take my time,

Take away the pressure on my mind

Really get to know you

But rewind

Wanna love you in slow motion

Why can't I

I'm too young(nyahaha no ur not) for tears in the night

And it's too soon for this to be right

Don't wanna mess with your pride

The questions not when but why

Why can't I love you in slow motion,

Take my time,

Take away the pressure on my mind

Really get to know you

But rewind

I Wanna love you in slow motion

Why can't... I

anyway this is becoming too fast for me...

i don't know why is he in a hurry..

i asked him and he just told me he wants to have a kid already?! seriously?! wth... 

tsk anyway like i always say to myself..

please pretty please take your time..

dnt indulge and then get hurt again in the end.. i am hoping for another happy ending so take it slow.. dnt rush..

please please... dnt rush hehe

don't think im not interested..

coz if u think im not.. then you really are insensitive and ignorant hahah

i am not like this to all people..

i am a very private person.. blv it or not!

i dnt usually open up to anyone (romantically)...

and i am not used to saying sweet thoughts.. like saying the i miss u thingie the i love you thingie... i am discreet.. i always hesitate to say those words because uhmmm i dnt really know why.. hahaha

anyway when i started talking with you..

i always want to say how my day went..

how i am.. how i am feeling.. and you always do what you do.. ang mambwiiisettt hahaha like u always tell me im madaldal grrr... kaya sometimes i hesitate to say sumthn err... another thing is when i am acting sweet and all na ndi ko aware it was sweet.. papansinin mo pa grrr then il feel shy and will try not to do it next time so u could not comment on it again.. errr... anyway whatever... maybe u just don't know me yet.. err..

ur lucky that i chose to be like this to you and vise versa.. felt lucky you came and believed in all that i was made to be hahah kanta yun ah?! il post it here also hehe no kiddin i was grateful you found me.. you helped me forget about all my heartaches and you filled it up with hopes and happiness :) thanks kid! :) i am really falling hard i guess.. and i don't want to hold it back anymore.. :( i hope you will not flake out on me.. :( you said you missed me?! i cnt say it in yer face but i miss you too hahahah i guess the right statement is you are missing from me hahaha lantod?! i hope and wish to see you real soon.. heheh malapit na malapit na 48 days to go na lang :) i just really hope ul not flake out... i just hope we will start to build a happy and lasting relationship hihi and will cherish and collect memories to reminisce together hehehe again i miss you btw... but can u please spare me on this... i cnt say it in front of u pa coz i am still taking my time :(

can you be my bestfriend before you call yourself my man! hahaha i am not friendzoning you ano too?!? friend zone pero jowaan ang peg?! i am not like that... actually i do these things sa bf ko na eh.. so technically prang bf na nga kita eh... less the label.. dadating tayo dun oks?! just dnt flake out on me yet... oks?! mwaaaaah... huggsss... magsleep na ko ha.. you told me 2am until 4am wag muna kita isipin dba?! hahaha its 2am na so will cut it short hahaha bukas na ulet este mamaya after 4 na kita isipin muli hahaha 

That's All...

I can only give you love that lasts forever

And a promise to be near each time you call

And the only heart I own

For you and you alone

That's all, that's all

I can only give you country walks in springtime

And a hand to hold when leaves begin to fall

And a love whose burning light

Will warm the winter night

That's all, that's all

There are those, I am sure, that have told you

They would give you the world for a toy

All I have are these arms to enfold you

And a love time can never destroy

If you're wondering what I'm asking in return, dear

You'll be glad to know that my demands are small

Say it's me that you'll adore

For now and ever more

That's all, that's all

If you're wondering what I'm asking in return, dear

You'll be glad to know that my demands are small

Say it's me that you'll adore

For now and ever more

That's all, that's all

he liked my gift.. haha i don't know if he really likes it or polite lang sha..
but i am glad he did like it.. hehe

you deserve happiness little kid! ;)

falling..

:)

guess the title is not correct hahaha

i don't know if i am still falling or i fell already... errr...

i am not usually like this... i don't easily fall errrr

but i am falling hard and i need an assurance that someone will catch me...
or else i will be dooomed.. haha this perpetual bliss I am feeling is not normal for me..

i am having too much attention from him and i am having mixed emotions...

i don't really know where i stand and i don't really know if he is really sincere...
i am moved... errr.. and i am still holding back my emotions..
because i still noticed that he is still attached with his exes...
tho i understand that exes can never be forgotten because once in your life..
you made them a part of you.. but still.. keep it to yourself hehehe
kasi sha he says it at times and he is comfortably browsing them online...
but i don't really care coz its his life and i still don't have any right to say anything..
well like i always think.. he is arrogant but i don't mind haha...
he really thinks highly of himself hahahaha but i still don't mind.. errr...
last time he asked me if who is goodlooking.. him or desmond...
why would you ask me that? hahah so ndi ka makamove on why tin chose desmond
over him!? duhhh?! well just to answer him secretly... desmond is a nice kid...
a very nice one... he is tall.. hehe polite...
smart and i don't know if he is funny but he is overall okay...
but if i were to choose.. hahaha feeling noh? as if  pipili tlga ako eh hahaha
il still choose mark jayson... hahaha i don't knw..
i am too much comfortable with him...
i am not really attracted by his looks..
but it just happened hahaha oh well
i can't explain it either to myself..
hahah

his birthday is coming up and he will be celebrating it in ph.. yeee... 

anyway i prepared a gift for him.. it is not that grand but its always the thought that counts?!
right?! hope he will like it

hihi.. 

hahahah it is neatly wrapped and i enclosed a small note inside :) hihi

hope it will be useful... :) i am such an uhmmm i dnt knw hahahah whatever... hope he will like it... sus ha ang effort na lang ang tignan nia sapukin ko sha eh hahahaha

will find out if what will this be... honestly i am excited to know.. am i really ready for another commitment? am i really ready to give out my heart again and trust him with all of it? i will still pray hard... :( i deserve to be happy as well but sometimes i still feel bad because i am still holding back..

i am a coward.. i don't want to confront my feelings... grrr...

but i don't need to be in a hurry..

i am falling hard and i need somone to catch me... :(

please please pretty please... don't fall fast so if someone can't catch you..

you can recover from it again.. :)

will really pray hard for my sign..

kasi naisip ko... why would i hold back pa ba?!!

if he loves me enough.. go.. haha lantod? naaah..

i am happy and he is happy..

then why complicate things?!

que sera sera.. :)

Confused...

i really don't knw what happened?!! why am i becoming like this?! i was trapped... i was slowly falling into the dungeon of whatever... :( i dnt want to get hurt coz of too much expecting again.. i assessed myself nth times but i cnt give clear answer to myself :( its just sad coz he thinks im infidel hehe but what to do?! i knw myself.. and like i always say... values lang maipapagmalaki ko hahaha i knw the importance of honesty... trust and being faithful in a relationship... i am actually faithful to peter before... but demanded for too much and ended up longing for someone who can give it to me... i did all the efforts.. everything... but what the hell... change topic na tayo hehehe

so ano na pala ang lagay ko? hahaha

anong siste?! anong nangyayari?!

actually ndi ko dn alam hahahaha

i did not even know when it started...

he went to my 33rd birthday party hehe

sounds familiar noh? hahah

but we started talking sa mga oras na yun...

and then it progressed to sumthin nice...

we clicked... haha nakuha nia humor ko and honestly speaking ndi sha funny for me hahahah coz his lines and etc are same.. parepareho wlaang update.. hahaha gasgas ba?! hahah but still i enjoyed chatting with him... errr he was trying to mend my heart and i was listening to his rant everytime he remembers tin.. haha... he was sending pictures and i did the same.. papadaig ba naman ang lola mo? hahaha and then nalimutan ko na if which came first nung nagsubway kami or nagluto sha spaghetti here hahah... indenial ako sa mga feelings ko... i was happy so i ended up spending time with him... ndi ako mapampilit na tao.. he was the one insisiting me na punta dito sama dito and etc... we had our memories in a short span of time... isang bwang landian baga hahahah may subway... may sultan escapade hunting for colored pens... may spaghetti cooking show with cookies and cream milkshake hahaha may poker night... may drinking session with beastmode... may attending mass... may stargazing... may amuyan ng anit blues... may bbq and smoking sa kalsada... may spending time together and just being happy and being there together.. may pagtutuyo ng hair hahaha may massage dn... what i hate the most is the farting part.. yung intentionally letting u knw that he farted errr... anu tooo?!?!! errr... nabaliwala ang steps to success ko.. mashado ko nabibilisan.. :( and now im confused... i know and i think he is not eager to pursue this.. and i dnt want  to get too much attached... :( it  is unfair for him that i am thinking like  this.. what if he really is sincere about me? but what if he is not?! do i need to confirm? or do i need to let go? he said he knows his limitation... what are his limits? how will i know if hangganan na pala?! i find it odd coz he is afraid to get hurt and he wants security... but then again he is telling sanay sha masaktan... well maybe he is only saying or verbalizing na he does not want to get hurt so i would be careful and so i will not try to hurt him... matino naman ako babae... why will i hurt someone who became special to me na?! oh well.. he needs to assess what he really feels... hmmm... andami ko iniisip kasi angtanda ko na... i don't have any time to waste... i don't have time to play around... i wasted too much time with peter.. but like i said i never regret anything... errr... and eto pa... anglayo namin.. :( and angbata nia tlga hahaha oh well bahala na si batman... Jesus ikaw na bhala sakin.. ang masaya pala dun same religion kami hihihi
basta... Jesus let me know what to do.. give me a sign.. :) yoko na makahurt and ayaw ko na din mahurt... ;)