you first believed

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Anticipating vs Expecting

what's the difference between anticipating and expecting??? dumdumdum 

“Okay... uhm... I will pretend that it’s just you and me here... let’s both pretend that there’s nobody around. Just you and me - talking eye to eye...” Shellie finally gave in to Ronnie's bickering.

Ronnie looked around for a moment. Looked at his best friend’s eyes... talked with their souls. He looked at Edison, another friend and the three faces of strangers that they only met that day. Then, he looked at Shellie's eyes, another stranger that he wants to know deeper.

“Okay. Consider them gone.” Ronnie said after a while. Looking straight into Shellie's eyes, he blurted the awfully raw question that could possibly rip Shellie's heart. “Do you like my best friend?” so raw and intense, filled with honesty and straightforwardness.

Shellie nearly choked. She turned from pale white to red. She blushes easily. That has always been one of her problems. Even if a stranger would ask her the time, she would blush while saying the time. She gets nervous easily.

After taking a deep breath, she looked Ronnie in the eye and said, “Yes. Very much.”

Ronnie prevented himself from looking at his best friend’s eyes or at anyone for that matter. It was just he and Shellie. There’s nobody else around. The people surrounding them prevented from gasping or reacting as well. It was a breakthrough for Shellie. They all looked at the best friend though and they saw him looking at his shoe and kicking invisible dust.

Ronnie was on fire. He uttered the next question. 
The ever-short question that can come with so many answers. “Why?”

shellie is sweating now. She doesn’t know how long she can ignore the fact that they may be staring at her. She’s torn between wanting to see Jared's reaction and being swallowed by sweet earth that moment. This wasn’t how she wanted it to be. She wanted it to be Jared's eyes that she’s looking in to when she answers the question. But she can’t.

“I dunno...” such stupid answer but it was all that Shellie could think of at that time, if she was thinking at all. It seemed that Shellie was letting her heart speak without the help of her mind. 

“That’s not an answer...” Shellie could hear Edison whisper. She tried not to look at Edison and smack him in the face. This was all Edison's idea. It was Edison who arranged this meeting. He secretly copied Jared's number from Shellie's phonebook and communicated with Jared.. Shellie nearly died earlier when she saw Jared.

“I’m sorry, Shellie but I cannot accept that answer.” Ronnie frowned.

“Back in college, I had this favorite professor in Philippine Literature...” Shellie said, as if talking to herself.

“Don’t divert the conversation, Shellie.” Ronnie's eyebrows were now rising.

“I’m trying to explain why I don’t know why I like your best friend, Ronnie...” Shellie cleared her throat nervously.

“My favorite professor... he was unconventional. He would go in the classroom and would simply say, “Write something” and then he would leave the room and return when it’s 5 minutes from dismissal time already. There was a time when he came in and just gave us a piece of chalk and told us to write anything on the blackboard. Anyway, one day, he came in and asked the class, “Who here has a girlfriend?” There were only like 6 guys in the classroom and only 2 raised their hands. He asked the first one, “Why do you love your girlfriend?” The guy smirked – he was only an irregular student, we were a block section, I don’t even remember his name already... - and said, “Who said that I love her?” Of course, everybody laughed. Such honesty, huh?" Shellie paused and smirked.

She then continued with, "The professor then turned to the other one - he was our friend and his girlfriend is our classmate and friend, too – and asked him “Why do you love your girlfriend?” He replied, shyly and almost a mumble, “I don’t know...” Our professor smiled. He said, “Good answer.” He then took a look around the room, with the slightest smile in his face, and said, “That is love.” He then sat on his table and said “When you start knowing or having a firm definition of why you love someone, then that is not love anymore. You can say, “I love her because she’s kind...” what if there are days when she’s not kind, does that mean that you don’t love her anymore? Love has no boundaries...” Then he asked everybody to write anything and read it aloud. I remember writing “Burning fire. Cold evening. Sweet Misery.” anyway... that was it... That’s love. And I would like to think that is the reason why I couldn’t really answer why I really like your friend. All I know is that I like him more and more everyday...”

There was silence after Shellie's last word. 
They could hear the car screeching, the coughing of the lady on the other table, a kid crying... and they could hear their souls and Shellie's heart pounding.

After a while, Ronnie took off his eyeglasses and wiped the lenses with his handkerchief. He wore it again and looked at Shellie's eyes once more. Her eyes now seemed more relax... to the point of serenity. He sort of envied the peace he is seeing in her now... the peace that can only be achieved when you’ve let go of something so intense.

“You said that you like her more and more everyday. You’ve known each other for quite some time now. Do you love my best friend already?” He had to keep on with the pretense of honesty since this is what he came here for.

Shellie smirked. The nervous in her eyes went back. 

“I am taking my time..” another stupid answer. 

“I’m not asking you if you want to love Jared. I’m asking you if you love Jared already...” was Ronnie's follow-up.

“Uhm... how do I say this? I am keeping my heart in arm’s length... this is a very difficult situation I am in. I love Jared... what is not there to love about him?! but i don’t want to rush things... because it may be too painful... reality says that I shouldn’t... in my dreams, I should... this is difficult. To love without any guarantees... yes, I am not loving unconditionally here... I am only human... 

“I’m sorry... I can’t take this anymore. Please leave with the pretense that it’s just Ronnie and me here.” Shellie said with her head down.

“Okay. No problem, Shellie. Thank you.” Ronnie said and the three of them got up to leave.

Shellie grabbed a cigarette and lighted it with her hand trembling furiously. Edison took the lighter from her and lighted the cigarette for her as well. He then took Shellie's hand and just held it. 

Shellie just stared at the two strangers and the one carrying her heart walk away. Then, she’s not sure if it really happened. It may be her stupid heart seeing things again. Jared looked back, met her in the eye and smiled.  :)

don't let me fall...

Underneath the moon, underneath the stars
Here's a little heart for you
Up above the world, up above it all
Here's a hand to hold on to

But if I should break, if I should fall away
What am I to do?
I need someone to take a little of the weight
Or I'll fall through

You're just the one that I've been waiting for
I'll give you all that I have to give and more
But don't let me fall

Take a little time, walk a little line
Get the balance right
Give a little love, gimme just enough
So that I can hang on tight

We will be alright, I'll be by your side
I won't let you down
But I gotta know no matter how things go

That you will be alright

You're just the one that I've been waiting for
I'll give you all that I have to give and more
But don't let me fall, don't let me fall

Underneath the moon, underneath the stars
Here's a little heart for you
Up above the world, up above it all
Here's a hand to hold on to

You're just the one that I've been waiting for
I'll give you all that I have to give and more
But don't let me fall

You'll be the one that I'll love forever more
I'll be here holding you high above it all

tpos ako pa ngayon pafall?! ikaw jan pafall tpos floor lang pala magcatch sakin! hahaaaay... whatev! atleast may oras ka pa makapag isip isip gang wala pa ko pinas ehehehe if ever u will flake out on me... paki inform ako asap pra kaya ko magdettach from you :)

you still have 32 days hehehe mag isip isip ka na maigi oks?!? :)

brighter than the rays of the sun

my day was gloomy and a bit heavy this morning... 

until i got these flowers! ayiee

hahaha pacute ako ammpf?! kebs! 

anyway i felt loved today ayieee...

nahappy ako hehe... thanks kid for always making my day brighter than the rays of the sun ayieee... i am not asking God for too much.. but i think He became too much generous for giving me you! umaalden noh? God gave me you?! hahaha anyway twas really nice of you to even think abt giving sumthn and for appreciating my kindness kahit ndi ko naman nafeel na naging kind ako sayo hahaha... i am happy today ❤️ and it's all because of you! huwaaaw!

aldubpamore hahaha ayiee mwaaah!! o cia late na.. gonna grab some sleep!! salamat ulet mwaaahugggss 100x

gloomy day

i kinda feel bad today :(

i dnt knw what is happening to me..

i am hating this feeling..

:(

i have no issue with anyone but i feel sumthn is heavy in my heart...

i hate feeling this :(

please Dear God let it go away :(

guess its better to do what this lady did before.. should i decide to just let go? and just enjoy the ride?! please pretty please give me answers to my questions.. :( sheeesh

disappointed...

nothin more to say but this...

nakakadismaya.. grrr...

kebs! deads!

balik ako sa level whatever...

😡

when did u start liking me?! 

u answered after the kiss?!?

duhhh!

anu yun?! 

hahaha

oh well.. 

i get it now hahaha

shyet malandi

at nagpalandi ka naman agad agad kasi

hmp ka tlga maling!!

paasa ka pa? eh ikaw nga umasa na like ka nya pero it started pala with the kiss..

lumevel up ka pa without waiting for december.. you said ur taking it slow pero mukang ikaw napadali sa level up hahahaha you are pathetic maling!!! 

eeewww ka!!

anyway will go back to reality...

dnt overwhelm yerself with delusions..

hihi

yeah yeah im comin back to my senses!

will try to go back real quick!

anyway go get some sleep! :) 

umasa ka noh? hahaha

sheeeesh i dnt get it actually..

why??? why dear God haha

kebs!

nytnyt my dear blog! hmp

note to self:

so try not to... okie?! 

okie????!! hehehe okay!

i knw yer a smart girl...

you will get it sooner than later..

hihi

you love me?! i love me too... ❤️❤️❤️

you love me? yeee...

i love me too hahaha charot!!

aysusss ginoo...

ndi ko na tlga alam what to say... 

i told you maling to take yer time...

take it slow...

don't hurry... 

madami pa naman panahon  eh....

sana naman dnt make me hurry...

alam ko naman na you know what

i am feeling already eh... will u wait?!

sigurista ka dba?!

so mas normal na mas maging segurista ako... natural mente... babae ako...

mas madaming nawawala sa amin...

and do you ever wonder why tatlo lang

sila?!? because i dnt usually jump in kapag hindi ako sigurado...

anyway i always remind myself to pls pls take some time to assess everything...

to analyze what u really want from me...

and to assess myself if i can make this work...

andami ko naiisip eh...

honestly speaking... i am used to LDR...

if our relationship will be a happy and healthy one... distance will not matter to me... kaso iniisip ko.. if you can make it work inspite of the distance.. if matyaga ka... this will work.. if ur patient enough sa mga crazyness ko this will probably work!! :) ayaw ko magsalita ng tapos but i can be loyal and will never be infidel if this realtionship will be a happy one.. may respeto naman ako sa kapwa ko... ;( i made mistakes from my past.. i knw i am to blame for demanding too much and for not being contented and hence accepted attention from another person.. but i made it right in the end and i resisted it for the longest time.. 

anyway like u told me... 

the important thing is yung future not the past sah?!

anyway i hope and pray na maging sure na sure na ako so u will not wait for too long.. naisip ko kasi i wanted this to work and ayaw ko padaskol daskol... sa totoo

nga prang bf and gf na nga tayo coz i am not like this to any other person na i am not commited with... kulang lang tlga ng label.. jeez... basta please dnt pressure me!! malapit na naman ang december eh... :) i will see you real soon... :) it will be worth it.. just wait!! oks?!! yeee... again i love me too hahaha

now lang ako ulet nagstastart to love myself eh... kapag overflowing na ang love ko sa sarili ko.. that is the time na kaya ko na maglove ng madaming madami sa ibang tao hehehe :) and if God will allow.. malay mo sayo ko ibuhos ang overflowing love from my heart ayieeee!!! :) hahaha

i will love myself first then i will love you too.. pra madaming love ha?!?

just have faith hahaha

mwaaah

lost in space..

errr...

anu na kaya nangyari sayo?! hmm...

u called me around 12pm here but was not able to answer it kasi i was asleep.. actually i am hearing sumone calling but i dnt knw if its you or someone else so i ignored it.. i chose to sleep kasi nga iv work later... but anyway im a little worried now.. coz its 10pm already.. err but maybe u fell asleep.. or maybe u lost ur phone.. or maybe u went sumwer and u drained your battery... just maybe.. errr

oh well... hope ur well and safe... dami kasi masasamang tao sa lansangan na eh :(

will pray na lang na sana yer okay..

grr.. anyway will just try to sleep...

sana yer safe and sana naman msg mko noh if yer safely home or whatever.. errr

dream dream dream...

i don't usually wake up early.. but here i am now.. getting up earlier than usual :( i always dream of something which triggers me to wake up... err... anyway my dream is not that grand.. nothin special actually just a bunch of numbers tho nakalimutan ko na agad.. in my dream was preparing for an exam and someone told me i have to memorize certain values and different formulas... errr but the sad part is i only remember 9 and 11... anything significant abt it?! errr i dnt knw... will nov 9 will be a special day or an unlucky day for me?! errr... anyway doodle some crap on my hands and legs... i knw its not good but what the heck.. errr.. anyway im not in the mood to write.. will probly go get some sleep.. heheh ^^ btw jayson is kinda uhmm nothin... dnt want to comment first...  ;)

will continue writing after my power nap hihi

spoiled cold morning...

ui woke up early this morning...

i am not planning to wake up this early but i got up... i dnt knw why...

maybe coz im too cold... 

or maybe coz my head hurts double hell..

:(

checked my phone and got a message from someone that i really did not expect that will send a message.. just to be polite i replied but i am rude naturally so still it had to be a rude message but still it is polite heheheh ganto ko eh so walang pwede magchange nun!! if im bitchy.. then let me be bitchy.. :)

anyway my morning got spoiled after i opened my eyes... tsk... really my head hurts... but its okay... checked my fb... went to click jayson's name to check if he is already up or whatever.. he was online so i dropped a message.. and he gave lame comments again... na nichecheck ko daw if he is online or not... natural alanganaman magmsg ako ng ndi ko icheck kung online sha or hindi... i kinda got annoyed.. why does he thinks highly of himself... i said ocoyrse im checking if he is online or not... stalker nga eh db?! but duhhh like i care now!!! today i decided wala na ako paki!! bgla ko naiinis :( naiinis ako sa kayabangan nya!!! feeling na sha mashado... :( anyway not in the mood to talk with him today.. mag me day sha today and il do the same... ndi ko na muna sha kausapin ng mabawasan ang pagfifeeling sa buhay... hmpppz... anyway il go get some sleep na lang ulet... sakit tlga ulo ko eh :( tpos nadagdagan pa ng pagkabiset.. haaaay :(

hear these lines while looking from time to time sa picture ko hahaha try to imagine na ganyan face ko while im saying these lines!!! "so feeling mo gwapong gwapo ka na nyan?! and feeling mo im stalking you already?!! grrrr... wag ka mashado feeling!!!! hmp! anyway wala na ulet ako paki sayo.. will try not to care too much.. mukang namimisinterpret eh!! mukang yumayabang ka ng bongga eh... grrr!! babooosh!!! magsaya ka ng whole day without me disturbing you!!"

Hopeless Romantic!?!?!?!!?!

Huwaaaat!!?!?!?!?!?
I'm a hopeless romantic!?!?!?!

I don't think so...
duhhh!!!!??!!?

anyway.... i am not a hopeless romantic...
i am not! grrr

and i will never be!!!

bawal ba magbigay ng letter?!?!
napahiya na naman ako...
:(
tsk,....
birthday  naman nya nun ha!
never na nga ako magbibigay ng letter dun kahit kelan..

and i remember one time i sent him a goodmorning message...
and he told me ay sweet naman pala...
grrr...
kaya naisip ko di na ako maggoodmorning message bwahahhaha..

anyway khalas...
please bring back the bitchy old maling.. hihih

:)

is this love?!

hahaha... is this love? is this love? is this love? is this love? that i am feeling!?!
errr...
am i still in denial?!!?
grrr...
maybe i am!
hahaha..

shyettt!!!

if this will be official? ano kaya gusto mo date?! hahaha lantod!!!! magsleep na nga tlga ako pra ndi ako nasasabihan na haggard errr... gudnyt my chobomboy hahahha... hugggsss

i can't believe na you posted this on instagram!!! shyettt ipagkalat sa japan?! mga letter na ganyan private dapat yan.. so kelangan pala ilalagay ko sa envelope lagi ng for your eyes only? hahahahaha hs ammpf!

why can't i love you in slow motion?!!

"Slow Motion"

I Know That You've Been Calling Me,

And I'm happy that we met.

Don't think that I'm not interested.

I'm just playing hard to get

So much about this crazy game they call love

That I'm trying to understand,

So could you be my best friend,

Before you call yourself my man

Why can't I love you in slow motion,

Take my time,

Take away the pressure on my mind

Really get to know you

But rewind

Wanna love you in slow motion

Why can't I?

You seem to know just what you want

And I like your confidence

Some things a girl should never rush

Cause If you do you hurt yourself

So much about this crazy game they call love

I'm still trying to understand,

So could you be my best friend,

Before you call yourself my man

Why can't I love you in slow motion,

Take my time,

Take away the pressure on my mind

Really get to know you

But rewind

Wanna love you in slow motion

Why can't I

I'm too young(nyahaha no ur not) for tears in the night

And it's too soon for this to be right

Don't wanna mess with your pride

The questions not when but why

Why can't I love you in slow motion,

Take my time,

Take away the pressure on my mind

Really get to know you

But rewind

I Wanna love you in slow motion

Why can't... I

anyway this is becoming too fast for me...

i don't know why is he in a hurry..

i asked him and he just told me he wants to have a kid already?! seriously?! wth... 

tsk anyway like i always say to myself..

please pretty please take your time..

dnt indulge and then get hurt again in the end.. i am hoping for another happy ending so take it slow.. dnt rush..

please please... dnt rush hehe

don't think im not interested..

coz if u think im not.. then you really are insensitive and ignorant hahah

i am not like this to all people..

i am a very private person.. blv it or not!

i dnt usually open up to anyone (romantically)...

and i am not used to saying sweet thoughts.. like saying the i miss u thingie the i love you thingie... i am discreet.. i always hesitate to say those words because uhmmm i dnt really know why.. hahaha

anyway when i started talking with you..

i always want to say how my day went..

how i am.. how i am feeling.. and you always do what you do.. ang mambwiiisettt hahaha like u always tell me im madaldal grrr... kaya sometimes i hesitate to say sumthn err... another thing is when i am acting sweet and all na ndi ko aware it was sweet.. papansinin mo pa grrr then il feel shy and will try not to do it next time so u could not comment on it again.. errr... anyway whatever... maybe u just don't know me yet.. err..

ur lucky that i chose to be like this to you and vise versa.. felt lucky you came and believed in all that i was made to be hahah kanta yun ah?! il post it here also hehe no kiddin i was grateful you found me.. you helped me forget about all my heartaches and you filled it up with hopes and happiness :) thanks kid! :) i am really falling hard i guess.. and i don't want to hold it back anymore.. :( i hope you will not flake out on me.. :( you said you missed me?! i cnt say it in yer face but i miss you too hahahah i guess the right statement is you are missing from me hahaha lantod?! i hope and wish to see you real soon.. heheh malapit na malapit na 48 days to go na lang :) i just really hope ul not flake out... i just hope we will start to build a happy and lasting relationship hihi and will cherish and collect memories to reminisce together hehehe again i miss you btw... but can u please spare me on this... i cnt say it in front of u pa coz i am still taking my time :(

can you be my bestfriend before you call yourself my man! hahaha i am not friendzoning you ano too?!? friend zone pero jowaan ang peg?! i am not like that... actually i do these things sa bf ko na eh.. so technically prang bf na nga kita eh... less the label.. dadating tayo dun oks?! just dnt flake out on me yet... oks?! mwaaaaah... huggsss... magsleep na ko ha.. you told me 2am until 4am wag muna kita isipin dba?! hahaha its 2am na so will cut it short hahaha bukas na ulet este mamaya after 4 na kita isipin muli hahaha 

That's All...

I can only give you love that lasts forever

And a promise to be near each time you call

And the only heart I own

For you and you alone

That's all, that's all

I can only give you country walks in springtime

And a hand to hold when leaves begin to fall

And a love whose burning light

Will warm the winter night

That's all, that's all

There are those, I am sure, that have told you

They would give you the world for a toy

All I have are these arms to enfold you

And a love time can never destroy

If you're wondering what I'm asking in return, dear

You'll be glad to know that my demands are small

Say it's me that you'll adore

For now and ever more

That's all, that's all

If you're wondering what I'm asking in return, dear

You'll be glad to know that my demands are small

Say it's me that you'll adore

For now and ever more

That's all, that's all

he liked my gift.. haha i don't know if he really likes it or polite lang sha..
but i am glad he did like it.. hehe

you deserve happiness little kid! ;)

falling..

:)

guess the title is not correct hahaha

i don't know if i am still falling or i fell already... errr...

i am not usually like this... i don't easily fall errrr

but i am falling hard and i need an assurance that someone will catch me...
or else i will be dooomed.. haha this perpetual bliss I am feeling is not normal for me..

i am having too much attention from him and i am having mixed emotions...

i don't really know where i stand and i don't really know if he is really sincere...
i am moved... errr.. and i am still holding back my emotions..
because i still noticed that he is still attached with his exes...
tho i understand that exes can never be forgotten because once in your life..
you made them a part of you.. but still.. keep it to yourself hehehe
kasi sha he says it at times and he is comfortably browsing them online...
but i don't really care coz its his life and i still don't have any right to say anything..
well like i always think.. he is arrogant but i don't mind haha...
he really thinks highly of himself hahahaha but i still don't mind.. errr...
last time he asked me if who is goodlooking.. him or desmond...
why would you ask me that? hahah so ndi ka makamove on why tin chose desmond
over him!? duhhh?! well just to answer him secretly... desmond is a nice kid...
a very nice one... he is tall.. hehe polite...
smart and i don't know if he is funny but he is overall okay...
but if i were to choose.. hahaha feeling noh? as if  pipili tlga ako eh hahaha
il still choose mark jayson... hahaha i don't knw..
i am too much comfortable with him...
i am not really attracted by his looks..
but it just happened hahaha oh well
i can't explain it either to myself..
hahah

his birthday is coming up and he will be celebrating it in ph.. yeee... 

anyway i prepared a gift for him.. it is not that grand but its always the thought that counts?!
right?! hope he will like it

hihi.. 

hahahah it is neatly wrapped and i enclosed a small note inside :) hihi

hope it will be useful... :) i am such an uhmmm i dnt knw hahahah whatever... hope he will like it... sus ha ang effort na lang ang tignan nia sapukin ko sha eh hahahaha

will find out if what will this be... honestly i am excited to know.. am i really ready for another commitment? am i really ready to give out my heart again and trust him with all of it? i will still pray hard... :( i deserve to be happy as well but sometimes i still feel bad because i am still holding back..

i am a coward.. i don't want to confront my feelings... grrr...

but i don't need to be in a hurry..

i am falling hard and i need somone to catch me... :(

please please pretty please... don't fall fast so if someone can't catch you..

you can recover from it again.. :)

will really pray hard for my sign..

kasi naisip ko... why would i hold back pa ba?!!

if he loves me enough.. go.. haha lantod? naaah..

i am happy and he is happy..

then why complicate things?!

que sera sera.. :)

Confused...

i really don't knw what happened?!! why am i becoming like this?! i was trapped... i was slowly falling into the dungeon of whatever... :( i dnt want to get hurt coz of too much expecting again.. i assessed myself nth times but i cnt give clear answer to myself :( its just sad coz he thinks im infidel hehe but what to do?! i knw myself.. and like i always say... values lang maipapagmalaki ko hahaha i knw the importance of honesty... trust and being faithful in a relationship... i am actually faithful to peter before... but demanded for too much and ended up longing for someone who can give it to me... i did all the efforts.. everything... but what the hell... change topic na tayo hehehe

so ano na pala ang lagay ko? hahaha

anong siste?! anong nangyayari?!

actually ndi ko dn alam hahahaha

i did not even know when it started...

he went to my 33rd birthday party hehe

sounds familiar noh? hahah

but we started talking sa mga oras na yun...

and then it progressed to sumthin nice...

we clicked... haha nakuha nia humor ko and honestly speaking ndi sha funny for me hahahah coz his lines and etc are same.. parepareho wlaang update.. hahaha gasgas ba?! hahah but still i enjoyed chatting with him... errr he was trying to mend my heart and i was listening to his rant everytime he remembers tin.. haha... he was sending pictures and i did the same.. papadaig ba naman ang lola mo? hahaha and then nalimutan ko na if which came first nung nagsubway kami or nagluto sha spaghetti here hahah... indenial ako sa mga feelings ko... i was happy so i ended up spending time with him... ndi ako mapampilit na tao.. he was the one insisiting me na punta dito sama dito and etc... we had our memories in a short span of time... isang bwang landian baga hahahah may subway... may sultan escapade hunting for colored pens... may spaghetti cooking show with cookies and cream milkshake hahaha may poker night... may drinking session with beastmode... may attending mass... may stargazing... may amuyan ng anit blues... may bbq and smoking sa kalsada... may spending time together and just being happy and being there together.. may pagtutuyo ng hair hahaha may massage dn... what i hate the most is the farting part.. yung intentionally letting u knw that he farted errr... anu tooo?!?!! errr... nabaliwala ang steps to success ko.. mashado ko nabibilisan.. :( and now im confused... i know and i think he is not eager to pursue this.. and i dnt want  to get too much attached... :( it  is unfair for him that i am thinking like  this.. what if he really is sincere about me? but what if he is not?! do i need to confirm? or do i need to let go? he said he knows his limitation... what are his limits? how will i know if hangganan na pala?! i find it odd coz he is afraid to get hurt and he wants security... but then again he is telling sanay sha masaktan... well maybe he is only saying or verbalizing na he does not want to get hurt so i would be careful and so i will not try to hurt him... matino naman ako babae... why will i hurt someone who became special to me na?! oh well.. he needs to assess what he really feels... hmmm... andami ko iniisip kasi angtanda ko na... i don't have any time to waste... i don't have time to play around... i wasted too much time with peter.. but like i said i never regret anything... errr... and eto pa... anglayo namin.. :( and angbata nia tlga hahaha oh well bahala na si batman... Jesus ikaw na bhala sakin.. ang masaya pala dun same religion kami hihihi
basta... Jesus let me know what to do.. give me a sign.. :) yoko na makahurt and ayaw ko na din mahurt... ;)